Zagreus does something and then eats bread'
by DIY Sheep
Summary: The lost scene from Zagreus - Eighth Doctor silliness, the third Doctor sings and everyone indulges in a bit of Doctor Who fanwallying.


Okay.  
  
This one is for serious Doctor Who fans. And I am not trying to be mean, but it does require a pretty specific context to get this little sucker. If you already know this stuff - please ignore.  
  
It is meant to be funny. Emphasis on the word 'meant' It would help if you knew that Doctor Who has continued for many years on audio - made by a company called Big Finish. They make Doctor Who 'shows' using the real honest to god Doctor Who actors, but only in sound and not vision. And they are all mad keen Doctor Who fans They produced a show called Zagreus starring just about every blinkin Doctor Who you could find, including the dead ones. Oh yeah: SPOILERS boys and girls. Paul McGann, Sylvester McCoy, Peter Davison and Colin Baker - and the dead guy. Some uncouth people think using dead actors is a bit, er well - uncouth? Others see it as an opportunity to for bad humour. Zagreus involved the Eighth Doctor wandering around, over acting a bit and thinking he is a fictional character. And yes I realise this is slightly ironic as the Doctor is a fictional character, so a fictional character thinking he is a fictional character is even sillier (rather like Santa Clause thinking he is the Easter Bunny), but I didn't write it, so don't blame me. As you can imagine - all this 'uncertainty' provokes a bit of confusion in the good Doc and he wanders around the TARDIS wondering just who he actually is? Fortunately he is helped out by himself (actually three of himself) and recovers most of his wits. I think? And he probably saves the universe as we know it as well. OTHER IMPORTANT INFORMATION: Jon Pertwee produced (while still alive) a really atrocious song called 'I am the Doctor'. Let us just hope he needed the money. You can find it on the net, along with some Doctor Who inspired songs by Jamie. And please don't forget that lullaby song he used to calm that beastie in whatever that episode was with the big hairy beastie.  
  
Right, now having said all that: I found this article...  
  
AUDIO WORLD  
  
THINK OF DEATH AS A TEMPORARY SET BACK  
  
Fans of the Big Finish audios are very excited at the news that a special director's cut edition of Zagreus will be released early next year. It will feature extended and deleted scenes. One particularly exciting extended scene will feature Paul McGann as the eighth Doctor and a very special guest appearance from the late Jon Pertwee as the third Doctor.  
  
Following the success of using dead doctors in Zagreus Big Finish has announced that it will stop using Peter Davison, Sylvester McCoy, Colin Baker and Paul McGann and instead concentrate on producing audios for the deceased doctors.  
  
"It will make life a lot easier," said a Big Finish spokes person. "You would not believe the problems you get working with living actors - 'I'm hungry. I want a coffee. I want a biscuit. I don't think my character would do this. I want to get paid so I can buy food for my children. Yada blinkin yada yada.' Honestly - It is never ending."  
  
And now a special treat for all you Doctor Who fans out there: A transcript of one of the extended scenes from Zagreus follows:  
  
DOCTOR: Ship? Ship? It has to be here. The answers have to be in a library.  
  
VOICE: Murgle burgle offle waffle.  
  
DOCTOR: Hello? I can barely hear you. Split personality, getting angry. Accent becoming more pronounced. Why can't I see you?  
  
VOICE: Oggle waffle dressserg. metallic teeth begin to grind.  
  
DOCTOR: Who's there? Why don't I know who you are? Tell me or the frustration might make me overact a bit.  
  
VOICE: Muffle gurgle traggle bruffff.. seek a truth they never find.  
  
DOCTOR: I can just about hear you old man. Your voice seems familiar. Do I know you? Have we done a poetry recital together?  
  
VOICE: I cross the void beyond the mind.  
  
DOCTOR: I am in a bit of a state. I am going to have to take a deap breath and finish the entire line with it. I might have been watching that Anthony Hopkins' masterclass tape again. I think I might be losing my mind. Am I going mad?  
  
VOICE: Find the light that glows so darkly in the night. Haruuun haruuuun haeruuuun.  
  
DOCTOR: Stop it please. The noise is hurting me. But then again I do look gorgeous when I am in pain.  
  
VOICE: Within, outside, behind.  
  
DOCTOR: That is no better. I may have to sayeverywordreallyreallyfastuntilIeventuallyhaveabreakthroughandlaughhappily .  
  
VOICE: Who knows you say, but are you right?  
  
DOCTOR: But who are you?  
  
VOICE: I am the Doctor!  
  
DOCTOR: I think it is only fair to point out that you are in fact confusing me and I am a sex symbol.  
  
VOICE: Eternal wisdom is my guide.  
  
DOCTOR: Perhaps I am mad. I am hearing strange disembodied voices talking nonsense. Oh no - Have I been watching garden makeover programmes again?  
  
VOICE: Empty space that circles time. Haruuun haruuun haruuuun. 


End file.
